Last night I met my new friend (the lady who cleaned my house - she goes to my Church), Sharon for the first time in person to have dinner. Over dinner, she mentioned that when she cleaned my house that she prayed for me as she was cleaning. She said that as she stood over my bed - she felt the Holy Spirit very strongly.This morning I look back through my journal and I want to share this "time line" with all of you God is GOOD.
2/23/07 - The slippery slope begins. My sexual relationship with AG began about this time.
NEXT entry is 3/18/07 - I asked God's help in my rel. with AG. I didn't write the word "sex" but "implied" it. Wrote about my need to "feel normal."
3/24/07 - read Psalm 51 -about confession. Wrote about AG - our sexual rel. and my feelings
4/12/07 - broke up with M. Extreme guilt over the way that I did it
4/22/07- confessed my sexual sin to a friend. First time I ever spoke it out loud or shared it with anyone *Prayer partner and I sat outside in front of the cabin just "talking." Just so happened to asked me about my "purity." Definitely a divine appointment.*Confessed my sin to but was still hanging on tightly. Did NOT want to let go. I wrote: "I must stop rationalizing my sin and ADMIT the truth."
Then I wrote out a prayer: "thank you God for bringing me this far. For convicting me patiently and allowing me time to work thru this ... to truly rip this sin out of my life from its roots." I also prayed Galatians 5:17 and asked for the Holy Spirit to give me the desire for sexual purity - and to give SG the desire. "Help me to nail those impure thoughts and sexual sins to the cross - to crucify them" I wrote.
Now friends, I remember at that time I still had a strong sexual desire. It was not instantly taken away. AG and I slept together one time after that - then continued to "talk" about it only for a couple of more weeks off and on. Until all of sudden, we just stopped. We didn't really talk about it until about 3 weeks after it "stopped.
The last time we talked about “IT” was June 5th.(Lord, please help me to no longer feel shame for this – I have confessed it and it is forgiven!” ) I totally have to let go of my pride to admit this to you!
Had “the talk” with AG. I have been abstinent from all sexual sin for 23 days now. I am going tonight at a Christian Recovery now to proclaim my surrender.
Now … here’s the REALLY exciting part … hold on to your panty hose ladies and gents!6/14/07 I humbled myself, found Sharon’s ad on the church website and asked her to come clean my house. It was a pigsty – I had totally let it go during my time of “rebellion” and total depression (which was from about 4/25 until 6/8- Again, the Lord had to humble me to keep me from “cleaning my house before the cleaning lady came.”
When I walked back into the house after Recovery meeting (Which just happened to be my first night “back”) I felt tremendous relief in having just that one area of my life back in semi-control!!!
I wrote “thank You for giving me a hunger for Your Word this morning.” For SOME reason, God led me to the book of Galatians again. (More about that later)
THIS DATE is when God began to DELIVER me!!!!!!
6/23/07 - Step workshop and my “Divine Appointment” and I’ve already shared with you what happened last weekend! WOW! And you know what? I now have a burning desire to stay pure. That was NOT there a few weeks ago.I was still holding on to that “pleasure” - the kind of pleasure that does not fulfill. I remember saying to myself, “How is God ever going to take this desire away? It is so strong and I ENJOY it!”
Today is ONLY 6 days later and it seems like MONTHS ago! It’s still hard for me to believe it!!! Do you see how God has used each and every one of you in my life?
My long time friend, my faithful strong Christian friends, my new friend Sharon, and also my mentor friend and accountability partner, Thank you All who are being used in my life in a remarkable and Spirit led way! Thank you me for letting me be real … I hope I haven’t been TOO real. LOL
I love you all. In His Unfailing Love AND Miraculous Freedom!
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